Tomorrow.

With my eyes on the floor, I walk this road.
Sinking into the invisible, nobody can tell.
Assassin. 
No shelter from the rain and the cold that is my heart.
I guess I'm trapped. 
Nonetheless I've walked here many a time.
"Stop. Turn around. You cannot do this" he speaks.
He is nothing new, nor is he a part of the old. 
Instead he is the part of me that hasn't fully transformed.
Or healed, as I like to call it. 
They call it a conscience. 
Thats the weak for you..giving everything a name.


"You can flee" they tell me. 
Flee? there is no such thing. 
This country is a part of my being. 
Since birth that 11 years ago - this is my destiny. 
Head strong, shoulders back... I turn this corner.
I attack.
I was trained, I was taught, I knew.
There is no time left.


The grown men I face, used to laugh and spit. "Child."
The men that took my parents. 
I used to curse them.. but words are not enough.
Bullets do the trick, though. 


Silence, oh how I love thee. 
As I stand on him. His cold chest my throne.
1 down. 
Look who's laughing now.
I've claimed my victory. 
Tomorrow my siblings will play outside. 

The Fear.

Forget about guns..& forget ammunition 'cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission.* 

Study Hibaq Study.

So here I am, in my room - doing shit all. Yet, not really procrastinating...because I do have my work in front of me. (:

Its wednesday, the third day of my study leave and I'm sick of studying! Really annoying thing is that my next exam is in exactly a week; I was working hard from saturday night until tuesday morning.. and then I had my first written exam that afternoon. & I must say, that really messed up my routine. Now all my mind & body wants to do is...well, nothing. Feeling like this ---> (-_-) < Yup, that explains it pretty well.

I've tried focusing, seriously. Did some yoga and meditation,  put some music on and just tried to relax and it was going well until I opened up my maths book. Major fucking mergh! So that's where I am, books on the bed, laptop on the bed, pens all over the place, music on blast and I cannot work. I managed to squeeze in some history revision though, (find it SO much easier than maths).

[Oh yeah, some info: I chose History, German & Business Studies for my chosen GCSE subjects. & plan to take English Lit, Psychology, Sociology & History for A-Levels. Then hooopefully, continue with psychology and either get into Clinical Psych or Forensic Psych (maybe even psychotherapy) as a career... yeah I've got it planned, LOL.]

Just thought I should slide that in there 'cause I was talking about school & such.

Anyhow. I really need to get down to work, 'cause I still have 11 exams to go and if I don't revise, I know I'll fail the ones I need the most i.e Maths. Its 1.27, I have a good two hours before I go out & if I was in a studious mood I could work on & mark a past paper; but I'm not.

Okay fuck it. The books are going away, I'm going to make some lunch and if I can get focused by sixish tonight, I'll do some maths then. There you go, problem sorted.

Now.... how do I go about getting these old somali women who consider themselves my relatives out of my house?

You read all of that shizzlesticks? Man, you must really love me.

Now gtfoh. 

x

You are gold!

GOLD!
Always believe in your soul.
You've got the power to know..
You're indestructible!

12th May 2010.

It's a mind of two states.
Knowing your worth; yet feeling worthless.
And at some point everybody can relate.
Emotions running so deep, yet not touching the surface.
A call out for help, is silenced by the smiling.
Soldiers wound.


War cry, torn flesh, grabbing on to what you have left.
Its never the same from this side, is it?
Spread the word and pass it on, somethings about to go wrong.
Right side, right mind, right vision. Wrong signs.
Easily lead to believe in those that disbelieve
In themselves.


Growing tears. Wasting years.
Stretch those bones, return home.
It all comes back to hidden fear.
Those chains have left a scar for too long.
Am I making myself clear?


If not..
Tomorrow is another day.
Or so they say...
Maybe then you'll understand!
I was born to be an achiever.
So for now I tell myself... "Carpe Diem".
& hope to die a believer.

♥

I'm miles from where you are.
I lay down on the cold ground and I,
I pray that something picks me up..
And sets me down, in your warm arms.