Jihad

I get on the platform and I get The Look.
From five people.
The same look I get at least twice a day - yes I've counted.
Every time I leave my house.
Whether I'm out during the day or night. Dark or light.
I could be ending my day, or starting it.
And its the same, same old shit.


I AM TIRED OF IT.


That look of hatred and disgust.
In a world where people hate to discuss
and only discuss to hate.
Sometimes I'd like to physically retaliate but by doing that..
I'm only reinforcing the idea of what you say I am today.
So I refrain.


When I enter the train I choose to stand.
Letting others take the seats around me.
I feel eyes on my neck and as I turn around,
the same eyes, look the other way.


Like I have a massive scar that they simply cannot face.
The adhaan ringtone blares from my phone and they cower away.
Thinking "FUCK. I'm gunna get blown up today!"
I know.
I know its my appearance they cannot stand.
My eyes they cannot look into because,
my hair they cannot see.
They don't know why, and do not ask.
They think my eyes will scold them.
My touch harsh.
My words aggressive.
The Look does more harm to me -
than I could ever do to them.


Still, I pray for them to have courage. I pray for questions.
I pray for them to learn, even if they do not agree.
I pray for them to look deeper, look deeper
and tell me what they see.
I pray.


This is my struggle. This is my Jihad.
To proudly walk down the street. Wearing my Hijab.